Blog This!

Friday, August 22, 2008

The End Has No End

It appears to be that time.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. 4 years and a measly 70 posts later, I’ve decided that the 71st post will be the final post in the life of ‘Blog This!’.

Well...sort of.

I’m actually Brett Farve-ing this decision and leaving open the door for surprise posts at the spur of the moment. But for all intents and purposes, my foray into the ‘Wonderful World of Blog’ has reached its creative end. For now. I’d truly hoped that the bright and blazing flame of inspiration and imaginative writing would continue to burn strong and as frequent as it had during this blog’s infancy. But unfortunately that just hasn’t been the case lately.

I have, however, come to convince myself that the flame has never left. It’s always been there and continues to be. And I am constantly amazed at what I write every time I try.

I’m just too damn lazy.

That’s not to say I don’t think about writing in this blog all the time. On the contrary, I probably consciously remember the existence of these pages about once a month, and usually completely by accident. However, it’s just not enough to simply ‘think’ about writing anymore. Plus every time I do think about it, I’m constantly reminded of how little I contribute to this journal, especially after I read some of the masterpieces my friends and colleagues churn out on a seemingly regular basis. I can always count on ‘Captain’s Blog’ to be fresh and wonderfully unpredictable. ‘A Breath of Fresh Fire’ continues to be a pillar of deep, insightful, and extremely thought-provoking material. ‘NewsGuy’ and ‘Confessions’, once in hibernation, have awaken from their slumber and are both starting to blog in earnest again. ‘Nobody Puts Banana in a Corner’ has been such a monumental undertaking; it’s nothing short of pure inspiration. They all make ‘Blog This’ look like an exercise in slacker-hood.

I know; I’m probably being way too harsh on myself. But the truth is that I just don’t feel the urge to write for the sake of writing anymore. It’s funny because every time I do, it turns out OK. Sometimes better than OK. But that’s not what this blog has ever been about. I have constantly said in these pages that I’m not going to write because I HAVE to write, but because I WANT to write. I just don’t want to write as much anymore.

But one day I may.

And who knows, that day may be sooner than later. I may find myself going to grad school and writing all the time. I’ll probably have written so much academic mumbo jumbo that I’ll want to write anything else other than another paper on nuclear physics, or chemical engineering, or world economics (the classes I’ll clearly be taking).

So as I said earlier, I leave the door open…slightly cracked that is. But for now, I bid farewell to you fellow bloggers. It’s been an incredible 4-year run. I look forward to posting again in the future.

Whenever that may be.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

DW's 2007 Entertainment Award Winners (Movies)

Booyashaka!

MOVIES

Movie of the Year

The Bourne Ultimatum

I gave this one a lot of thought, especially given the seriously quality filmmaking that went into "Michael Clayton" and "No Country", but I must say, as a whole, I thoroughly enjoyed "The Bourne Ultimatum" experience. The story, the dialogue, and the characters were all superb. This installment delves deeper into Bourne's psyche and his ongoing struggle to come to grips with who he once was and who he has now become and I think it adds a greater emotional weight this time around. The pacing and style are briskly methodical and keep you on the edge of your seat throughout the movie. This is 'popcorn' filmmaking at it's finest.

Comedy of the Year

Knocked Up

Judd Apatow delivers another comedic gem and does it with great dialogue and an even better cast. Lots of amusing individual performances which adds to the whole experience. For some reason Paul Rudd seems to get funnier and funnier.

Male Performance of the Year

Javier Bardem – No Country For Old Men

Bardem delivers a haunting and unforgettable performance; arguably one of the best movie villains in recent memory. His character is so calculated and so foreboding that you practically feel his presence whenever he's on screen. Even the sound of his voice on the other side of the phone sends chills down your spine. A masterful performance.

Female Performance of the Year

Tilda Swinton – Michael Clayton

Swinton blends in so well on screen and is so versatile an actress; it's easy to forget how good she really is. Swinton delivers a tortured performance as the morally conflicted legal head of her organization. This role is so different than the strong-willed characters she's portrayed in "Narnia" and "Constantine" yet Swinton is no less compelling or convincing.

Duo of the Year

Will Farrell/John Heder – Blades of Glory

The back and forth between Farrell and Heder is hilarious. Farrell drives a lot of the comedy here but Heder plays quite well off of Farrell's comedic genius. Heder: "I see you got fat." Farrell: "I see you still look like a fifteen year old girl, but not hot." It's gold, Jerry, gold.

Director of the Year

Ethan and Joel Coen – No Country for Old Men

By far Coen brothers' most challenging and thought-provoking works to date, "No Country" is rich not only an aesthetic level, but on a metaphoric and literary level as well. The movie delves into the primal, and sometimes stark, reality of human nature. To me, it's very reminiscent of Ingmar Bergman's "The Seventh Seal" in its portrayal of death and the impact of choice. It's a beautifully filmed, very well scripted and acted, and at times, hard to watch.

Best Cinematography/Special Effects

300

One of the few movies where the CGI actually enhances the movie instead of taking away from it, much like "Lord of the Rings" was able to use the visuals to enhance its epic story. Now don't get me wrong, this is no "Lord of the Rings", not even in the same league. But the camera and computer techniques used during some of the fight sequences are pretty freaking awesome.

Breakthrough Performance of the Year

Nikki Blonski – Hairspray

A pretty thin category this year, and since Rogen kinda proved himself in “40-Year Old Virgin”, this one is going to Blonski. She does a fine job acting, singing, and dancing along side some big names like Travolta, Pfeiffer, and of course Walken, who is among the greatest actors of his generation and perhaps of all time whose last name is begins with “Walk”. Blonski is the heart and soul of “Hairspray” and is a pleasure to watch.

Ensemble of the Year

Michael Clayton – George Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Tilda Swinton, Sydney Pollack

“Michael Clayton” is an ‘actor’s’ movie and few are better than Clooney, Wilkinson, Swinton, and Pollack. Wilkinson puts on one of the best performances of the year. Swinton’s range is on display and to great effect. Clooney has really come into his own in recent years and has become a much more polished and skillfully deliberate actor. Pollack is the real treat to watch. His performance is so meticulously nuanced, it’s a wonder that he doesn’t act more and direct less.

Screenplay of the Year

Joel and Ethan Coen/Cormac McCarthy - No Country for Old Men

The screenplay is extremely well tailored to each character as each comes to grips with the starkness of the moral conflicts each faces. The writing is taut, contemplative, richly metaphorical, and at times deprecatingly witty in a way only the Coen brothers know how to deliver.

Disappointments of the Year

Spider-Man 3

No real major disappointments this year so it was an easy victory for “Spider-Man 3”, being the lone nomination in this category. “Spidey 3” is bogged down with too many different storylines and really doesn’t have a central focus or real purpose for that matter. And Toby Maguire doing some sort of ‘My Chemical Romance’ impression for 2/3rds of the movie is just plain laughable. At least Bryce Dallas Howard is fun to look at. No disappointment there.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

DW's 2007 Entertainment Award Winners (Music)

We'll stick to last year's format...

MUSIC

Song of the Year

"Radio Nowhere" – Bruce Springsteen

“Radio Nowhere” literally came out of nowhere to take down the Song of the Year. Ubiquitous, straightforward, and unrelentingly infectious. It’s Springsteen doing what he does best: plain old rock. This was by far the toughest category to pick with Feist and Tokyo Police Club contending for the top spot all year long.


Album of the Year

Radiohead – In Rainbows

It’s almost not fair. Radiohead releasing anything is the closest thing to a guaranteed lock as there is. And this one, as expected, didn’t disappoint. Radiohead masterfully weaves electronic with a much greater emphasis on instrumental texture then in previous albums. And the results are outstanding. “Nude” and “Reckoner” feature a broader, more orchestral approach highlighted by strings. “15 Step” and “Weird Fishes/Arpeggi” are meticulously layered with each element offering a new and exciting direction. “Bodysnatchers” and “Jigsaw Falling into Place” blister with energy and intensity. There’s so much to sink your teeth into in an album like this and each listen brings a new perspective. By far one of the most unique and highly enjoyable albums not only of the year, but of the Radiohead collection as well. And that’s saying something.

Best Album Song of the Year

"Weird Fishes/Arpeggio" – Radiohead

One of the best highlights of the album, “Weird Fishes/Arpeggio” slowly builds, one layer at a time, slow down, and then changes direction. The song brings out the band’s best elements; Johnny Greenwood’s skillful lead, Ed O’Brien’s dueling rhythm, Phil Selway’s steady drum riff, Colin Greenwood’s driving bass, and of course Thom Yorke’s soaring vocals.

Concert of the Year

Lollapalooza – August 3rd – 5th, Grant Park, Chicago, IL

I guess you can say it was the best “concerts” of the year. Lolla featured an all-star lineup including Tokyo Police Club, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs, Muse, My Morning Jacket, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, and Pearl Jam just to name a few. The Rapture and Daft Punk put on amazing shows. There’s nothing quite like the experience of being part of an outdoor 3-day music festival.

Band of the Year

The National

Second only to Radiohead for “Album of the Year” and “Best Album Song of the Year” honors, The National validated themselves in concert at the Rex on 6/19. The National had a great all-around year, and put themselves on the map as one of my new favorite bands.

Best Song That Drives You Nuts But You Can't Help But Like It Anyways

"What Goes Around...Comes Around" – Justin Timberlake

I guess this “officially” counts for last year since the album was released September 12, 2006 but Wikipedia is telling me that the single was released January 8th, 2007 so I’ll stick to that. And since the song was played so many times this year that it feels like it was came out this year. So I’ll allow it. That’s really all I have to say.

Best Lyrics

"Cause you're so beautiful...Like a tree.
Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job."

From "The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room" - Flight of the Conchords

Thanks to the hilarious HBO show, FOTC is on the map. Realistically I could have picked any of the songs off the album but TMBGITR was the first one in Season 1 that set the tone for the rest of the series so it’s the winner. For some reason I’m hankering for a kebab.

Best Discoveries of the Year

Phoenix – It's Never Been Like That (2006)

“Consolation Prizes” made an appearance on the 2006 Song of the Year list but it wasn’t until this year that I actually listened to the album. And let me tell you what, I’m sorry I didn’t pick it up sooner because it may have been the frontrunner for Album of the Year last year. This was one of the few albums that I enjoyed every song. It’s catchy, freewheeling, and packed with crafty guitar work. A savory pick.

Friday, December 28, 2007

DW'S 2007 Entertainment Award Nominations

Well it's that time of year again. And after a banner year in the life of Blog This! (which featured a whopping 4 posts; 6 if you include the two posts announcing the 2006 DWEA winners), the annual DW Entertainment Awards are back. And, of course, this can only mean one thing: I really need to start blogging more often. 4 friggin posts??? Pathetic. Maybe I'll put "more blog posts" on my New Year's resolution list. Who am I kidding? When's the last time I actually followed one of those lists? Didn't I specifically write "do not throw iron tridents at passing cyclists from the front porch" last year? And how many times did I break that one? One time too many for my tastes. What the hell am I talking about?

Now presenting: this year's nominees for the 2007 DW Entertainment Awards...

MUSIC

Song of the Year (Nominees)
"Is There a Ghost" - Band of Horses
"Phantom Limb" – The Shins
"The Pelican" – Menomena
"Hunting For Witches" – Bloc Party
"To Be Surprised" – Sondre Lerche
"Four Winds" – Bright Eyes
"Young Folks" – Peter Bjorn and John
"Imotosis" – Andrew Bird
"1234" – Feist
"Your English is Good" – Tokyo Police Club
"Everybody Knows" – Ryan Adams
"Radio Nowhere" – Bruce Springsteen
"The Heinrich Maneuver" - Interpol

Album of the Year (Nominees)
The National – Boxer
The Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
Radiohead – In Rainbows
Flight of the Conchords – The Distant Future

Best Album Song of the Year (Nominees)
"Weird Fishes/Arpeggio" – Radiohead
"Mistaken For Strangers" – The National
"The Well and the Lighthouse" – The Arcade Fire
"We've Got Everything" – Modest Mouse
"Impossible Germany" – Wilco
"The Most Beautiful Girl In The Room (Live)" – Flight of the Conchords

Concert of the Year (Nominees)
The National – June 19th, Rex Theater, Pittsburgh, PA
Lollapalooza – August 3rd – 5th, Grant Park, Chicago, IL

Band of the Year (Nominees)
Radiohead
The National
Flight of the Conchords

Best Song That Drives You Nuts But You Can't Help But Like It Anyways (Nominees)
"Selfish Jean" – Travis
"Saltbreakers" - Laura Veirs
"Easy" - Barenaked Ladies
"What Goes Around...Comes Around" – Justin Timberlake
"Who Knew" – Pink

Best Lyrics (Nominees)
"I said the humans are dead
The humans are dead
The humans are dead
Yay, dead, dead, dead.
We used poisonous gasses (With traces of lead)
To poison their asses. (Actually their lungs)"
From "Robots" - Flight of the Conchords

"Cause you're so beautiful...
Like a tree.
Or a high class prostitute.
You're so beautiful.
You could be a part time model.
But you'd probably still have to keep your normal job."
From "The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room" - Flight of the Conchords

Best Discoveries of the Year (Nominees)
"Naïve" – The Kooks (2006)
Phoenix – It’s Never Been Like That (2006)


MOVIES

Movie of the Year (Nominees)
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
The Bourne Ultimatum
Planet Terror
Hairspray
3:10 to Yuma

Comedy of the Year (Nominees)
Hot Fuzz
Blades of Glory
Ocean's Thirteen
Knocked Up
The Darjeeling Limited

Male Performance of the Year (Nominees)
Matt Damon – The Bourne Ultimatum
John Travolta – Hairspray
Russell Crowe – 3:10 to Yuma
George Clooney – Michael Clayton
Tom Wilkinson – Michael Clayton
Javier Bardem – No Country For Old Men
Will Smith - I Am Legend

Female Performance of the Year (Nominees)
Katherine Heigl – Knocked Up
Tilda Swinton – Michael Clayton
Kelly Macdonald – No Country for Old Men
Nikki Blonsky – Hairspray
Ellen Barkin – Ocean's Thirteen
Joan Allen – The Bourne Ultimatum
Rose McGowan – Planet Terror

Duo of the Year (Nominees)
Will Farrell/John Heder – Blades of Glory
Freddy Rodriguez/Rose McGowan – Planet Terror
Seth Rogen/Katherine Heigl – Knocked Up
Bruce Willis/Justin Long – Live Free or Die Hard
Christian Bale/Russell Crowe – 3:10 to Yuma
Simon Pegg/Nick Frost – Hot Fuzz

Director of the Year (Nominees)
Tony Gilroy – Michael Clayton
Ethan and Joel Coen – No Country for Old Men
Paul Greengrass – The Bourne Ultimatum
Robert Rodriguez – Planet Terror
Francis Lawrence - I Am Legend

Best Cinematography/Special Effects (Nominees)
Live Free or Die Hard
300
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
No Country for Old Men
The Darjeeling Limited

Breakthrough Performance of the Year (Nominees)
Nikki Blonski – Hairspray
Seth Rogen – Knocked Up

Ensemble of the Year (Nominees)
Knocked Up
No Country for Old Men
Michael Clayton
Ocean’s Thirteen
Hot Fuzz

Screenplay of the Year (Nominees)
Judd Apatow - Knocked Up
Joel and Ethan Coen/Cormac McCarthy - No Country for Old Men
Tony Gilroy - Michael Clayton

Disappointments of the Year (Nominees)
Spider-Man 3

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Bus on a Plane

Last Saturday morning, I arrived at Pittsburgh International Airport (PIT) ready to embark on a few days of R&R with family and friends during the Christmas weekend. I booked a flight to New York (LaGuardia) a few weeks in advance and from there would take a bus to Grand Central and then a local train to Fairfield, CT. It’s much faster and only marginally more expensive than driving. Once inside PIT, the ticketing process was fairly uneventful, save the fact that the bag I was checking was about 5 pounds over the allowable weight (note to self: buy majority of Christmas presents after the plane has landed next time, hm?). So I transferred some of the presents to my carry on, cleared the maximum weight allowed for my checked bag, made it to and through security without much trouble, and moseyed over to the terminal shuttle.

While waiting for the shuttle train to arrive, I immediately recognize someone who’d just walked past me to join the waiting crowd; none other than Pittsburgh’s (Detroit’s) own, Jerome ‘The Bus’ Bettis. There’s no mistaking this guy; he’s built like a Dodge pickup truck. 5'11", 250 pounds of steel, grit, and determination. The kind of determination that drives a man to make his flight on time.

Anyways, we load into the shuttle and the few people in the car gravitate to the back. Bettis is literally taking up the other half. Everyone, of course, knows who he his. But no pays much attention, at least outwardly. That’s the thing about Pittsburgh. People actually allow celebrities their privacy for the most part. Once the car comes to a stop at the terminal, everyone empties out. I actually try to match pace with the Bus, mostly out of curiosity to see where he’s going, but he’s moving better than anyone I’ve ever seen for a man of his size. He’s moving like a man who’s rushed for over 13,600 yards in the National Football League. Before I know it, the Bus has disappeared, his breakaway speed proven too much for the rest of us mere mortals. I knew right then and there I wouldn’t make it in the NFL. But I did have a plane to catch and the celebrity sighting was definitely an interesting way to start the weekend.

So I get to the gate in plenty of time, board the plane, find my seat, and open up a book and start reading. The plane takes off shortly and I immediately doze off. I wake up a few minutes before we are about to land, something I have an uncanny knack of doing. The plane lands, taxis to the gate, and comes to a stop. The passengers start to remove their bags from the overhead compartments. It was then I realize.

There’s a Bus on the plane.

Apparently as I was reading my book, dozing in and out of consciousness right before our plane took off from Pittsburgh, Mr. “91 rushing touchdowns in 13 seasons” had made his way past me and plopped himself down in the seat directly behind me to the left. Of course, being fast asleep, I had no idea that Jerome 'I eat pieces of crap like you for breakfast' Bettis was sitting behind me the entire flight.

So here we were; waiting for the cabin door to open and so we could file out of the plane. Bettis was already up and rearing to go. I had yet to get my coat from the overhead. I realized I had come to a crossroad that so many beleaguered linebackers and defensive backs had faced in the past; do I stand up against the Bus and get bowled over or do I simply step aside and let him go? The competitive side in me said, “It’s your turn, you have the right of way here, who cares if it’s Jerome Bettis, Shaq, or Grandma Moses. Now's your time to take a stand.” But the logical, rational side said, “Do you really want the last image that you will see here on earth being the forearm the size of a tree trunk crashing down on your skull?” I had to come up with a decision and fast.

The passengers in the front seats started to move.

It was "go" time.

I stood up and made a move for the overhead.

I prepared for impact, said a quick prayer, and held my breath.

And the Bus waited.

No stiff arm, no trample marks on my back, nothing.

With a simple nod of recognition, I grabbed my coat, shimmied into the aisle, and exited the plane, with the Bus in tow. He simply did what he’s done a thousand times before; he was patient, waited for his blockers (in this case, me) and blasted through the hole.

Once we exited the gate, the Bus zoomed ahead and was gone.

I did get to see him one last time at baggage claim, where he was recognized by everyone and their mother, and people came up to shake his hand, just to get a piece of the Bus. Leave it to New Yorkers to invade a celebrity’s privacy.

But I was pretty satisfied with my Bus experience for the day.

And happy I didn’t square up against a future Hall of Famer known for his punishing running style.

That would have been messy.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Escapades in Transliteration

Friends find amusement in some pretty stupid things.

Well on the surface said things seem incredibly stupid until you try them out they are actually side-splittingly funny and surprisingly entertaining.

“Transliteration” just so happens to be one of those things.

A few years ago, a couple very good college buddies of mine used to send out, on average, 25 – 50 emails a day. Some days, like the 100-email day (8/11/04), will live forever in infamy. Mind you most of us had already graduated at that point and were working full-time jobs.

None of that mattered to any of us.

This morning at work, for whatever reason (boredom, boredom, or boredom), I was sifting through some of the hundreds of thousands of emails that me and my buddies exchanged during those “Golden Years of Mass Emailing” (’03 – ’05). One particular string I came across nearly put me on the floor in stitches.

The emails were dated early March of ’05. We had been sending emails back and forth with phrases and sentences that we would run through the free translator multiple times on FreeTranslation.com. The results were riotous.

We called it transliteration.

Here’s how it works:

Take a sentence, such as, “Sally sells seashells down by the seashore”

Go on the FreeTranslation website and translate the sentence from English to, say, Spanish.

And then translate it again from Spanish to English.

And voilà!

You have a new line that reads, “You leave sells the marine seashells downward to the edge of the sea”.

And you can translate sentences from English to Russian to English to Spanish to English to Simplified Chinese back to English again for even more ridiculous results.

Word of caution: make sure you cover your mouth if you are in a place of employment, education, or library. You may be caught howling at some of these beauties.

Man, I used to [still] have way too much time on my hands.

Friday, August 10, 2007

756*

I watched Barry Bonds break the all-time HR record on Tuesday night.

And it was the epitome of anti-climatic endings.

I was just looking at the footage from Hank Aaron's then record breaking 715th HR and there's just no comparison.

People were running on to the field when Aaron hit his HR. No one was running on the field when Bonds hit his. Even the 1st and 3rd base coaches were subdued in congratulating him.

Aaron was mobbed by his teammates when he touched the plate. Bond's teammates stood back and waited for him to come to them.

Aaron's mother embraced him for what seemed like an eternity, leaving one of the most memorable and indelible images in baseball history. Bond stood at the plate and pointed to the sky while ignoring his son, who was already there and embracing him, leaving one of the most awkward images in baseball history.

It was absolutely bizarre.

It somehow felt like people didn't know how to react. Heck, I didn't know how to react.

But don't get me wrong, the home crowd was reacting the way they should have.

But there wasn't a sense of euphoria or pure excitement in enjoying and experiencing such a momentous moment in history.

As well there shouldn't have been.